Before we get into this week’s SmackDown review, a little housekeeping is needed. (And I swear this is the last time this will be featured)
If you’ve been following my musings here on 25YL, you may have noticed that I’ve implemented a brand new rating system for each show.
The idea is that at the end of each show, I give my final thoughts and then a grade to let you know what I thought of it overall.
Good idea, right?
Well, it would be except, I hate it.
Instead, I’ve decided to go another way, with a brand brand new rating system.
It’s called the 10 Count Rating and is as follows.
1: I’d rather watch Sycho Sid
2: I’d rather watch James Ellsworth
3: I’d rather watch Dana Brooke
4: I’d rather watch Nia Jax
6: Pretty Solid
7: Pretty Damn Good
8: This Is Awesome
9: Holy Shit! Holy Shit!
10: Oh My God! They’ve broken him in half!
As I go through my review I’ll be grading every bout this way and take an overall average, as I feel that this is the fairest way to decide how good whatever program I’ve been watching is.
Will it work?
Well, there’s only one way to find out, it’s time to lace up our boots and head to the ring for the SmackDown Review for Feb 19.
8 Man Tag-Team Match: The Usos and The New Day vs. Robert Roode, Dolph Ziggler, John Morrison, And The Miz
10 Count Rating: 6
This was a good, solid way to start SmackDown, and after my melt-down about the show last week, it was a nice change to have some decent wrestling open a wrestling show.
Hell, I didn’t even mind the promo that preceded it.
The only reason it doesn’t get a higher score is that it’s starting to feel like we’ve seen this same combination of wrestlers go at it for about 100 years by now, and I think it would benefit everyone involved if we could just stick a fork in this and call it done.
I fully expect, or should that be I really hope, that happens at Super Blood Money where I’m praying The Miz and John Morrison pick up the titles, if for no other reason than it’ll be good to have Heel Champions for a while.
Considering they lost here, and that’s usually a sign of how things are going to pan out at a PPV, with the team that loses on the final show beforehand coming out on top, all signs point to yes, so expect a brilliant episode of The Dirt Sheet on next week’s SmackDown where Miz and Morrison gloat mercilessly about their victory.
Winners: The Usos And The New Day
Otis And Mandy Rose Love Triangle Thing Segment.
10 Count Rating: 1
This just isn’t going away any time soon, is it?
If I could give this a negative score I would, but that’d break my own system and I’ll be buggered if I’m going to come up with yet another one just because someone in the back has a hard-on for how funny they find the idea of a fat dude trying to date a hot chick to be.
If I wanted to watch Eastenders, or Days of our Lives for our American cousins, then that’s what I’d f*cking do, but surprisingly I watch a wrestling show for wrestling.
Not. for. this. shit.
Lacey Evans Promo
10 Count Rating: 5
So, that’s why she turned face then.
She showed up on SmackDown only to see how Sasha Banks and Bayley were bullying people and thought “Damn, perhaps I shouldn’t do that”.
Yeah, that makes sense.
It had absolutely nothing to do with the WWE wanting to exploit her background as a Marine or to have her daughter front and center every time her mother was in the ring then.
No siree, not at all.
Symphony of Destruction Match: Braun Strowman and Elias vs. Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura
10 Count Rating: 7
Not the tambourine!”
When Corey Graves uttered that line at the start of the match, I was ready to slam this through the mat, but I’ll be damned if this didn’t turn into my Fight of the Night.
There is no way, no way, this should’ve worked, but it’s a testament to everyone involved, and that includes the devious Sami Zayn, that this was way more fun than it had any right being.
It hadn’t started out that way, but the tide changed when Shinsuke hit Braun with a devastating guitar shot as he tried to mow Zayn down and after that happened, this became a Hardcore match in everything bar name.
I don’t think anyone came out of this without bleeding, but it was Nakamura who got the worst of it.
After Elias put Cesaro through a table with an awesome elbow drop from the top turnbuckle, Braun then turned his attention to The Artist and Power Slammed him on top of a piano. Unfortunately for Shinsuke, it didn’t break as it was supposed to and cut him open pretty badly.
So badly that he had to have treatment at ringside after the bell and even more when he made it backstage.
It was pretty brutal.
Winners: Elias And Braun Strowman
King Corbin Promo
10 Count Rating: 5
What the f*ck was King Corbin looking at?
Throughout this promo, he was staring off-camera, in the way a wrestler usually does the split-second before their rival attacks them, and it was so distracting that I really expected Roman Reigns to jump him.
But he didn’t.
So, someone, anyone, tell me, what the f*ck was King Corbin looking at?
A Moment Of Bliss
10 Count Rating: 1
I’ve already cussed SmackDown out for being a soap opera, so you can imagine my joy when it turned into Hello Television.
God, I really hate this crap.
I don’t care that they’re pregnant.
I don’t care that John Cena’s cast-off is now engaged.
I don’t f*cking care about The Bella Twins at all.
Also, is this what Alexa Bliss is now reduced to? Hosting a crappy talk show segment instead of kicking ass in the ring?
Christ on a bike, WWE, she was the first-ever RAW and SmackDown Women’s Champion, treat her with some respect.
Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan
10 Count Rating: 3
There are two reasons that this match existed.
The first one is so that Daniel Bryan could bring out Birdie and share a moment with his wife before it started and the second one is to give him something to do for a couple of weeks while The Fiend is tied up with Goldberg.
And it showed as this was over faster than a Big Show Face-Turn, with Bryan easily picking up the 1-2-3.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
#1 Contenders Match For The SmackDown Women’s Championship: Naomi vs. Carmella
10 Count Rating: 5
Did you know that Naomi has been with the WWE since 2009?
Did you also know that Carmella has been with the WWE since 2013?
Between them that 18 years of experience, but if you’d never seen them wrestle before, then you wouldn’t have been able to tell on this outing.
It was so middle of the road that I might as well have been watching a Michael Bolton concert and neither woman shone or stood out in any way, other than Naomi’s entrance as that shit is bright.
Considering these are supposed to be seen as legitimate threats to Bayley’s title reign, while Alexa Bliss rots away doing f*ck all, it appears that the SmackDown‘s Women’s Division is in a crisis and I’m the only one that’s noticed.
Winner And New #1 Contender: Naomi.
10 Count Rating: 4
This closed out this week’s episode of SmackDown and it’s because of that that I’m worried about Super Blood Money.
Instead of having a wrestling match Main Event the show, they decided that Big Bill should have that honor, as he has to be the Main Event where ever he goes, which leads me to believe that he isn’t going to lose clean on Thursday’s PPV.
Now, if that means that The Fiend has to cheat to keep his title, then fine, but if it means that Goldberg is going to win the belt from Bray then that’s wrong on so many levels.
First off, he’s a goddamn part-timer and as the Big Gold on RAW is already in the hands of The King of Part-Timers, Brrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar, then doing the same with the blue brand’s holy grail would be insanity.
Secondly, if he’s the one to defeat The Fiend, the most over and important character in the whole WWE landscape, it will kill Bray Wyatt deader than Vader’s push in the 90s.
And before you say “Oh, that’ll never happen” just remember who we’re dealing with here.
This is the company that decided to keep the strap around Lesnar when it was obvious to everyone, including The Beast himself, that he should drop it. This is the company that insisted on pushing Roman Reigns, even though every time his face appeared he was booed out of the building.
This is the company that allowed Big Match John to bury The Nexus and they were the Bray Wyatt of their day.
Part of the reason that I implemented a new rating system when it comes to my reviews, was to give me some guidelines to follow so I wouldn’t have the kind of meltdown that I had last week.
And it seems to have worked.
Another reason is so I could look back over an entire episode of whatever promotion I’m watching and figure out where it went right or where it went wrong.
It’s easy to see where this week’s SmackDown f*cked up and it was by having so many segments that we’re just all over the place.
Outside of the Symphony of Destruction match and the 8 Man Tag that kicked it off, the rest of the show was packed with either filler or just utter shite, and it’s this kind of terrible booking that is leading the show down the path of WCW circa the year 2000.
Think that’s harsh?
Then go back and watch any Nitro from that era and then do the same with any SmackDown from the past few months.
Now tell me, can you tell the difference?
10 Count Overall Rating: 4