Welcome one and welcome all to the first-ever WWE RAW review. Each week I’ll be taking a look at the show and trying to figure out what was good, what was bad, and what was downright ugly.
Now some of you might have just noticed that that intro was the same rehash of the one I used for my SmackDown review on Saturday and it’s no coincidence. It was a deliberate cut-and-paste job because let’s be honest here, this week’s WWE RAW was nothing but a microwaved version of Friday night’s show.
And it could’ve been, no it should’ve been, so much more.
The Return Of The Conqueror
Normally I’d call foul on any episode of WWE programming that starts with a promo. It’s a hackneyed crutch that the company falls back on every single time and one that needs to stop.
Having said all that, the return of The Conqueror is always a time for celebration.
That’s right folks after far too long away from our screens he’s finally back.
Paul Heyman has returned to WWE RAW.
Now, that might sound a little facetious considering he had a certain Brrrrrrrrrock Lesnar in tow, but there is nobody better on the mic in the whole wrestling industry than Heyman. He’s the definition of must-see TV whenever he appears and last night was no exception.
He said he had unprecedented news and revealed that his client, Brrrrrrrrrrrock Lesnar, would participate in the Royal Rumble, and not only would he participate but he’d be in it from the beginning, taking the #1 slot.
Your friendly neighborhood wrestling writer isn’t sure if this is a brilliant move on behalf of the WWE or the biggest mistake they’ve made since jobbing The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak out to The Beast Incarnate.
If they play it right, Lesnar will battle his way through the vast majority of the match before being tossed over the top rope by another wrestler. In doing this you automatically set up his WrestleMania 35 opponent and as long as it’s someone like Samoa Joe or, as they still owe him a re-match, Finn Balor, then you’ve got the seeds for a program that could very well end with a new champion being crowned.
But instead, they’ll just have Brrrrrrock Lesnar tear his way through all three rosters, making them look like chumps in the process, while Big Vinnie Mac sweats profusely as he rants on about how he “Knows just what the fans of sports entertainment want”.
WWE United States Title Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Andrade
In the space of one match, the WWE showed just why I love them and hate them all at the same time.
This was easily the best bout of last night’s WWE RAW and one of the best that the company has put on either show in quite a while. It was obvious to me that Rey had suddenly remembered that he’d left his oven on at home as from the first bell he was in overdrive, wanting to get the job done quickly so he could get back before his house burned down.
He battered Andrade from pillar to post and it was the type of fast-paced, non-stop action that was reminiscent of Mysterio in his pomp.
And let’s not forget Andrade in all this, he gels so well with Rey that this is one of those times that the WWE can continue to go to the well and put on the same match between the two and I won’t get tired of it.
It’s very rare that the chant of “This is awesome” actually reflects what’s going on in the ring, at least where the WWE is concerned, but this time out the fans were spot on in their assessment of the United States Title Match.
Right up to the point where they decided to f*ck around with it.
I am so sick and tired of Dusty finishes. Why let the performers go out there and bust their humps, in what could’ve been an early contender for match of the year, only to have the ending be so damn awful.
As soon as Zelina Vega got involved by putting Andrade’s left foot on the rope to deprive Rey of a legitimate win, you just knew this wasn’t going to end cleanly but to go to that old trope of “Babyface accidentally takes out evil female manager, only to get distracted by this and lose the match” is just insulting to everybody involved.
It makes Rey look like an idiot, makes Andrade look weak by needing to result to such tactics, and makes me wish that I hadn’t gotten my hopes up that this week’s WWE RAW would be anything other than a complete letdown.
Winner And Still United States Champion: Andrade