Coastline Clash: Clearwater Is The Last Man Standing

Halston Boddy’s Coastline Clash Review—May 8th

The big day is upon us, Hollywood fans: Halston Boddy’s Coastline Clash is upon us! One of the big events on the CWFH calendar, along with the ‘Red Carpet Rumble’ and the PPIII Cup, Coastline Clash is where big feuds get settled and new champions can be crowned.

This year, Halston Boddy is hosting the event and he was in his element as the show opened, preening up at the commentary booth with Todd Kennely, James Kincaid and Blake ‘Bulletproof’ Troop, telling an excited Blake Troop off with an anxious “easy there, Muscles Magoo” and making a four-way tag match for next week between UWN Tag Team Champions The Bodega vs. Midnight Heat, The Hogsmen and Honest John & Anthony Idol. That will be a great match.

There’s no time to lose, so let’s head straight to the ring to begin Coastline Clash!

Hollywood Heritage Champion Richie Slade (w/Flex Mccallion) vs. Jordan Cruz

Jordan Cruz vs. Richie Slade Coastline Clash title card
Credit: CWFHFanNews, Justin Cotterell & Mark Johnston

Jordan Cruz let his emotions get the better of him to start things off, thankfully attacking Slade from behind as Flex was still finishing his introduction. Well, you’d be mad too if you’d had a tooth knocked out last week!

Slade took advantage of that weakness, making the most of a Flex distraction to bulldog Cruz on the studio floor. Hard kicks and shots to the face and a uranagi on the ring apron left Cruz reeling but a Cruz belly to belly superplex to counter an attempted Richie Slade high spot gave the challenger some room to breathe.

Slade began to crack Cruz hard in the mouth repeatedly but the challenger kept on coming, taking the champ down and throwing a barrage of fists in his direction. A Flex distraction on the apron failed as Cruz sent Slade straight into him. Slade countered an Irish whip with a nice tornado DDT for a near-fall and reverse DDT for another. A Candy Drop attempt followed but Cruz countered with the Olympic Slam. A suicide dive to the outside finally took Flex out of the game, and a big release German suplex and Cruz Control (a Styles Clash/sit-down powerbomb combo) later and we had a new champion!

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that, but I like it! I wasn’t the biggest fan of Slade’s reign, but this was possibly his best match to date. Meanwhile, Jordon Cruz is a great wrestler. Whether he’s ready for a title run or not remains to be seen, but I’m really looking forward to seeing what he can do as a champion.

Cruz spoke to Jon Roberts afterwards, telling everyone he had a steep learning curve but he feels validation now and that he belongs at the top. Good on him.

Cece Chanel vs. Viva Van (w/Halston Boddy & Jamie Iovine)

Cece Chanel vs. Viva Van Coastline Clash title card
Credit: CWFHFanNews, Justin Cotterell & Mark Johnston

An exuberant Cece Chanel ran to the ring, still clutching the length of wood she had last week, perhaps in case Jamie and Halston get involved. Side note: Halston is dressed tonight like the kind of Blackpool Pleasure Beach Fortune Teller I used to see on the piers as a kid, and I don’t even mean that as a criticism. More people in wrestling should dress like Northern English carny folk, in my opinion…maybe.

Cece went straight into it before the bell rang, taking Van down with a Thez Press and raining down blows on the surprised Van, who threw blows of her own. Cece was able to grab a leg though and nearly stole victory early on! A Van punch to the throat sent Cece to the mat though and Van followed up by throttling Cece on the bottom rope. Halston even got a cheap shot in with his fan. Ooh, the swine!

Cece turned the tide by twisting Van into a modified ankle lock but Van punched her way out of it. Van mounted Chanel and locked in a half-camel clutch (one arm wasn’t hooked). Some charges into the corner took the wind out of Cece’s sails and a kick to the back only made it worse, as did having her head twisted to a painful angle.

A belly to back suplex from Cece was followed up by several hard shots in the corner. Cece got some revenge for the throat blow by draping Van’s neck on the rope and dropping an elbow. In desperation, Van went for the 2×4 but the ref snatched it off her and threw it away. Halston and Jamie jumped up on the apron to protest, bringing out Sandra Moone and Mylo Matters, who hit cool-looking stereo dropkicks to knock the meddling pair off the apron. While the ref checked on them, Van clotheslined the girls out of the ring and cracked Cece in the gut with the 2×4, before landing the Death Rattle heart punch for the 1-2-3.

What a fun match! There were elements of MMA in there, and I liked seeing Boddy and Iovine get some sort of comeuppance, only for their client to get the win. And from the way Cece was staring hatefully at Van after, I’d say a rematch is likely on the cards at some point too.

Last Man Standing Match: Jack Banning vs. Jordan Clearwater

Jack Banning vs. Jordan Clearwater last man standing title card
Credit: CWFHFanNews, Justin Cotterell & Mark Johnston

This was a fight, plain and simple, and thank God for that! Having been battering each other for weeks, only a real heated fight would do and that’s exactly what we got. The match was given plenty of time too, which meant it was allowed to progress at its own speed, something that helped it feel like a big main event.

Clearwater started off by mocking Banning unhinged laugh before battering with fists and kicks from pillar to post and hurling him into the corner, Banning still laughing that uneasy laugh of his. Clearwater stomped a mudhole in Banning before kicking him to the outside, where Banning the ‘The Golden Boy’ into the barrier before pulling out a trash can. Banning went to swing at Clearwater with the lid but Jordan went for a kick to counter. Banning caught the leg so Clearwater cracked Banning in the head with an enziguri, driving the trash can lid into Banning’s head! Nice.

Some tough lid shots followed as Banning stayed down. The ref began to count but Banning was up at 4. Banning went for the Guillotine choke but Clearwater slammed him straight down to counter—right onto the steel trash can! Here we got some nice psychology. See, it wasn’t just about hurting Banning anymore for Clearwater. He’d done that for weeks and taken his frustrations out on him. The problem was, Banning kept getting back up. So this match had to be a last man standing match because that’s all Clearwater had left to do. He’d hurt Banning; he just had to make sure this time he wouldn’t get up again. This is why I loved Clearwater shouting at Banning to “stay down”— only for Banning to tell him that “I love that fire in your eyes!” before getting up at 7. Banning had awakened something that burns in Clearwater and he wasn’t going to stop until he saw ‘The Golden Boy’ in ashes!

A big clothesline took both men over to the floor before Jordan sent Banning into the steps. Jordan brought a table into the ring but as Jordan went to grab Banning from the floor, Banning caught him in the guillotine choke. Clearwater countered by ramming Banning into the ring post but a follow-up Midas Touch attempt saw Banning move and Clearwater hit the post instead, hurting his leg in the process. That’s the last thing you want in a last man standing match.

Back in the ring, Banning moved the table into position and, after some jostling between the two, drove Clearwater off the second rope with a Death Valley Driver through the wood! That looked nasty—in a good way! Banning was well pleased with himself—he even gave a chef’s kiss! For a moment, it looked like Banning might have got the victory, but ‘The Golden Boy’ just about managed, with assistance from the ropes, to make it up at nine. Banning kicked him down again but this time he stopped the ref counting with a sinister ‘shush’ gesture.

He then got a straitjacket from underneath the ring, an awful reminder of his time in the hospital and perhaps a sign of where he wanted to take Clearwater. He throttled Clearwater with it before putting the garment on Jordan and using it to tie Clearwater’s hands behind his back. Banning took some shots at the defenceless Jordan before Clearwater managed to drop Banning with a knee to the gut. He followed up by drilling Banning with more knees to the gut in the corner before nailing him with headbutts and even bites!

Clearwater went to charge Banning, but the mad man moved and Clearwater went straight into the ring post. Banning went and got a chair to serve the coup de grace…the Midas Touch out of nowhere though sent the chair straight into Banning’s head for the knockout blow! Jordan Clearwater did it!

This was a brilliant way to close out part one of Coastline Clash, and a great fight that managed to be hard-hitting and dramatic without being overly hardcore (not that that’s a problem for me) but most of all was just fun. Great work from both men and Clearwater finally gets his revenge on Banning!

Final Thoughts

The first part of Halston Boddy’s Coastline Clash was a big hit, proving to be massively entertaining across all three of its matches. Jordan Cruz scored a massive upset by taking the Hollywood Heritage title from Richie Slade, in what was Slade’s best match to date; Cece and Viva Van had a fun, MMA-inflected encounter that saw Cece lose to Hollywood’s sneakiest group; and Jack Banning and Jordan Clearwater had a great last man standing match full of drama and excitement without it becoming a death match—not an easy feat nowadays.

I can’t wait for Coastline Clash part two! What did you think of Halston Boddy’s Coastline Clash? Let me know in the comments!

Written by Chris Flackett

Wrestling obsessed since '91. Lived through the Monday Night Wars and is still here to tell the tale. Major fan of Strong Style, technical and Super Jr. Wrestling, as well as big versatile hosses smacking the hell out of each other. Lives in Manchester, England.

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