Welcome back to Sports Obsessive’s coverage of Championship Wrestling! Unfortunately, I had to take a short break from covering the show but I’m back to cover the “fastest hour in pro wrestling”! With The Bodega in the main event and the first words from Jordan Clearwater since he lost the Heritage title, we’re set up for a great show today.
Our hosts Dustin and Maria Starr are here, the ring’s set up. There’s no time to waste, so let’s head straight to ringside!
Pre-match, Ray Rosas was asked what plans he had for 2021. He has been recently partnered with Kevin Martenson to see off So-Cal Distancing. Ray pointed out how his war with So-Cal Distancing made him consider how he had dinner throughout 2020. Now he has to put things right. This will be interesting. Some wrestlers are certainly going to be more forgiving than others.
Kevin Martenson vs. Jesse James
Jesse James came to the ring with a chest more purple than anything. This was courtesy of his recent brutal match with Dan Joseph. He took to dominating Martenson for a good two-thirds of this match. He used his larger bulk to throw Kevin around with gut wrench suplexes and ring-shaking Irish whips. Martenson used his speed and his aerial prowess to take James down. At one point, he used a slide under the bottom rope and across the mat back to the outside to hit James with a spear in an impressive moment.
James kept putting on the pressure though and he might have got the win if he’d kept to his strengths. However, he tried to emulate Martenson. A springboard moonsault attempt from the big man found nothing but canvas then after some stiff kicks to his opponent. Martenson finally wrapped things up with a brainbuster.
A fun opener to get things started.
Winner: Kevin Martenson
Jody Sutton vs. Darwin Finch
If you didn’t hate Sweet Robin Shaw before this match, you will now. Seeing Gentlemen Jervis with his head hung low and being all deflated then Darwin Finch having to raise his hands for him. It was enough to break the hardest heart. Jody Sutton seemed oblivious mostly thanks to his pre-match ritual of getting nice and loaded before the bell rings. Seeing Sutton almost falling over as he tried to remove his jeans then to see him wrestle in white vest and underpants. This is a sight I’m unfortunately not going to forget in a while.
This match was great fun. It must be said that Finch can really work some technical skills. A headscissors into an octopus stretch was a beautiful little move. While there was a headscissors/armbar combo even the commentators didn’t know what to call.
Meanwhile, Sutton had me in stitches laughing as he went to the high school bully playbook. Using an elbow below the belt, a nipple twister, a wedgie and a noogie all came into play. Strong style, it was not. Extra comedy points to Gentleman Jervis for falling down when Sutton threw his bandanna at him!
Finch took the win in the end with a discus elbow, much to the delight of Jervis, who sprung back into some semblance of his old self. You can’t keep a gentleman down forever!
Winner: Darwin Finch
Pre-match Jamie Lovine gave an interview alongside Cece Chanel and Ruby Raze. He said Heather Monroe had no chance of being the first UWN Women’s champion because that honor would belong to…Ruby Raze! Cece’s facial expressions were brilliant here. They veered from hopeful excitement to disappointment. She really told a story without saying a word.
Mylo Matters vs. Ruby Raze
Looking at the match, it’s easy to see how Lovine formed his opinion. Raze obliterated her opponent here. She smashed with a killer lariat to start then landed clubbing blows and kicks. With a fisherman’s carry into the corner before putting Mylo out of her misery with a reverse pile driver for the win.
Choose your next move carefully, Cece…
Winner: Ruby Raze
Jordan Clearwater Has Words for Jack Banning Segment
Ever since Jack Banning choked out Jordan Clearwater which caused Clearwater’s Heritage Championship loss to Richie Slade. Fans have been asking what Jordan would have to say on the matter. Talking to Jon Roberts, Jordan made it very clear that he didn’t know why Banning got himself involved in his business. However, he does have a weapon to use against any further Banning choke attempts: “LEFT LEG HOSPITAL, RIGHT LEG CEMETARY!”
Jack Banning who tweeted out against Dustin and Maria Starr’s criticisms of him on the show. Let’s just hope Banning crawls out from whatever asylum he’s hiding himself in so he can make an acquaintance of the Midas Touch!
UWN Tag Team Championship: The Bodega (Danny Limelight and Papo Esco) vs. 4 Minutes of Heat (Ricky Gibson and Eddie Pearl)
The Bodega are your tag team champions and they damn well know it. Look at that swagger they have now. I love it. It’s interesting to see Slice Boogie with them now. Every Bodega needs security, I guess. Nobody’s robbing those titles off them any time soon.
This is a rematch from the 500th Anniversary show. This is where 4 Minutes of Heat came up short in a fantastic encounter. It must be said that they are criminally underrated. Those who have seen them know. There was no reason to suspect this match would be anything less than brilliant and brilliant it was.
Both teams turned to double team offense to try and gain the upper hand over their opponents. 4 Minutes of Heat nailing a beautiful neck breaker/back stabber combo while The Bodega used the “Corner Store” splash in the corner/high kick combo. They followed by the “Street Sweeper” kick to the head. This is where Papo Esco literally launches Danny Limelight into the air to nail his opponent in the head!
It was this combination of power and speed that allowed the champs an advantage over the challengers. As Eddie Pearl quickly fell into the “Ricky Morton in peril” role. Soon, Ricky Gibson had seen enough and ran in. He hip tossed his own partner back to his corner, so he could make the tag. I’ve never seen that before! Gibson quickly went on a rampage until Esco lowered the top rope and sent Gibson hurtling to the floor. This is where Slice Boogie nearly took his head off with a massive clothesline. The subsequent kick out was surprising, but it would be to no avail.
Slice Boogie distracted the referee. Eddie Pearl with one of the tag belts allowed Limelight to low blow Ricky Gibson and then cracked him around the skull with the other belt to get the 1-2-3. Ok, call me biased. It wasn’t the cleanest victory you’ll ever see. But like Jesse Ventura used to say, “win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!”
The Bodega lives to fight another day…
Winners: The Bodega (Danny Limelight and Papo Esco)
Championship Wrestling continues to deliver. It offered a solid battle of the big boys between Jesse James and Kevin Martenson to begin the show. Darwin Finch and Jody Sutton brought the comedy. Then The Bodega and 4 Minutes of Heat gave us a big, exciting main event. It gave us a reason for 4 Minutes of Heat to continue their chase for the titles.
Not only that, but Jamie Lovine continued the interest in the Women’s Division by hyping Ruby Raze to the seeming chagrin of Cece Chanel. Plus fighting words from “The Golden Boy” and the start of a possible redemptive arc for Ray Rosas. What’s not to like?
I’ll see you next week, wrestling fans, for more exciting action from Championship Wrestling!