Welcome to the AEW Dark Review for Mar. 31.
Or as I like to call it, “The One With All The Jobbers”.
I fully understand what’s going on here, the company wants to keep the chance of exposure to the Coronavirus to a bare minimum, so they only fly in who they need and rely on local talent to fill out the rest of the card, but it does kind of take away from the enjoyment of the show when you automatically know how every match is going to end.
Having said all that, any wrestling promotion that is willing to put on a show to keep us entertained during these trying times gets a pass in my book, so if you showed up here expecting me to stomp a mudhole in AEW for last night’s show, then you’ve had a wasted journey.
I’ll save that sort of thing for when we get the all-clear.
Matt Sells vs. Sammy Guevara
Straight off the bat, Matt Sells faced off against Sammy Guevara in a bout that was only going to end with The Spanish God having his hand raised, but that wasn’t the story here.
That belonged to Cody on commentary who admitted that Guevara was the guy they were looking to build the company around.
Now why that might not come as such a surprise to those who know just how good he is in the ring and as a character, to actually hear someone with as much clout behind the scenes say “Yeah, that’s our boy” was a nice refreshing change.
It also means that we now know who’s going to win the AEW TNT Championship, with him going over both Darby Allin and Cody himself on his way to the finals, but that doesn’t matter as Sammy Guevara should be the kind of talent that the company pushes to the moon.
Winner: Sammy Guevara
Shawn Dean vs. Shawn Spears
The Battle of the Shawn’s was a five-star classic from bell to bell.
Just kidding, it was pretty much a squash match, though Spears did allow Dean to get in enough offense to look decent enough.
What intrigued me was this turned out to be his first victory in 2020, having taken six losses so far in the opening three months. These have all been down to his association with Tully Blanchard and his quest to find the perfect tag partner, which has seen him walk out on matches as if he’s suddenly realized that he’s left his oven on at home.
So it was a nice change to see him actually pick up a win here, hitting a Running Death Valley Driver to get the 1-2-3.
Winner: Shawn Spears
Preston Vance vs. Darby Allin
Another match, another loss for The J.O.B Squad.
Preston Vance faired a lot better than the other outside wrestlers that AEW used for the show, but he still came up short. Which isn’t that much of a shock, as Darby Allin was put over hard here by Cody.
It seems that The American Nightmare knows talent when he sees it and I have no doubt that Allin will be pushed alongside Sammy Guevara when the latter wins this new tournament, which is sensible as having both rise to the top simultaneously should make for a life-long feud.
I’m not one of the “Fight Forever” brigade, but yeah, Allin and Guevara really should “Fight Forever”
Winner: Darby Allin
Faboo Andre vs. Jon Moxley
Fair play to Faboo Andre, he might’ve only been in this match to get his ass kicked from here to Albuquerque, but his entrance alone made sure that I’ll remember his name long after I’ve forgotten this match.
The Monarch of Manliness sashayed his way to the ring with the kind of s*it eating grin that Donald Trump would’ve been proud of, playing to a non-exsitant crowd as if this was his Wrestlemania moment.
It was really funny and really well executed.
It’s just a shame that he got whupped like a red-headed step-child.
Moxley got in on the fun as well though, operating a camera before the bell, but this was as straight forward as you’d expect, the AEW Champion dominated and ran out the winner pretty quickly.
And then Jake Hager came to the ring and lay a world of hurt on him.
I said in last week’s review of AEW Dynamite that I believed that the company has big plans for Hager, and on this evidence, it seems as if I was right. He hit the ring when Moxley wasn’t looking and choked him out. Simple, yet effective, it automatically enhances just how much of a threat he is to the AEW World Championship.
I’m going to stick by my prediction that Hager will dethrone Moxley, but if they go the other way and have Moxley retain, it’s going to solidify him as the face of the company for the next few years at least.
That’s how impressive Hager’s been lately.
Winner: Jon Moxley
Alright, I’ll admit it, if this had been under any other circumstances I’d have probably dumped on this week’s AEW Dark from a great height, but as it is I’m going to give it a pass.
It was alright, nothing that will live long in the memory for sure, but an entertaining way to spend 30 minutes nonetheless.
I’m going to finish up this review the way I’ve been finishing up everything I’ve been writing over the past couple of weeks and that’s by reminding you that during this crisis we all find ourselves in, don’t forget that you can play your part.
If you love wrestling then support those whose livelihoods are going to be affected by this outbreak. Head over to Twitter and say hello, buy their Merch, donate to the companies with Go Fund Me pages who are trying to raise the cash to put on no audience shows to keep their people in work and all of us entertained, because now is the time we need to stick together.
Look out for each other, spare a brother or sister a dime and, most importantly of all, stay safe, Wrestling Community.