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AEW Dark Review: Mar 10

Having tagged in The Flack for the last episode of AEW Dark, it’s business as usual for your friendly neighborhood wrestling writer. That’s right, I’m back folks, with opinions as far as the eye can see about AEW‘s YouTube show as I continue with my quest to try and figure out just what it is.

Is it a joke?

Is it canon?

Or is it somewhere in-between?

Well, there’s only one way to find out. It’s time to lace up our boots and head to the ring for the AEW Dark Review: Mar 10th Edition.

Kip Sabian and Peter Avalon vs. Jurassic Express

Tag-Team Match: Kip Sabian and Peter Avalon vs. Jurassic Express

10 Count Rating: 6

The reason this doesn’t score higher is quite simple, Peter Avalon.

Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a reflection on the man himself, who I happen to think is a very decent, very underrated wrestler, but it is a reflection of The Librarian character that he’s found himself shackled to.

As soon as you see him come out to the ring, no matter who he’s tagging with, you know that his team is going to be the ones on the end of the loss with Avalon, usually, staring at the lights.

Tonight was no different.

It was a pretty decent match overall, with everyone getting to do their thing, and there was a very funny moment when Leva Bates took exception to Penelope Ford throwing her books into the ring to cause a distraction that led to a shoving match between the two that Marko Stunt tried to break up, but at the end of the day it was only going to end one way.

Jurassic Express hit their finisher on Avalon and 1-2-3, game over.

Winners: Jurassic Express

Severino Corrente vs. Jimmy Havoc

Severino Corrente vs. Jimmy Havoc

10 Count Rating: 6

Yet another solid match, yet another obvious outcome.

There was an underlying theme through-out tonight’s AEW Dark and it was one of Jobber Central, with not a single match on the card set up in such a fashion that you’d not be able to pick the winner as soon as they were revealed.

That’s all well and good, but it kind of sucked the fun out of the show for me.

This match existed for only one reason and that was to allow Luther to show up after Havoc’s victory and lay a beat-down on him, furthering the feud and driving me insane in the process.

I swear this knock-off Gangrel’s only schtick is to stick out his goddamn tongue and point to his head, as any punches or kicks he throws look weaker than anything Shane McMahon has ever done.

Yeah, not a fan.

Winner: Jimmy Havoc

Abadon vs. Hikaru Shida

Abadon vs. Hikaru Shida

10 Count Rating: 6

This was the first time I’d ever seen Abadon, either in AEW or anywhere on the Indy scene, and I’ve got to say I was impressed.

She’s unique, disturbing, and pretty decent in the ring and I shall be hunting out more of her work as soon as I finish here, but I doubt that we’ll ever see here in an AEW ring again.

“Why?” I hear you ask.

Simple, because of Taz and Excalibur who couldn’t wait to bury her the moment she crawled out onto the stage.

In a division that’s had more than its fair share of teething problems, Abadon should’ve been treated as something new and exciting. It was obvious she was never going to win as Hikaru Shida is next in line for Nyla Rose, but even in defeat, she could’ve been put over in such a way that she would’ve instantly become an asset to the company.

Hikaru Shida did this, acting shocked and thrown off her game by this living demon’s antics, but that didn’t matter as the “commentary” team did nothing except crack jokes about her and make outdated Marilyn Manson references.

They couldn’t help but slap each other on the back at how funny they were being when in reality it was as amusing as a dose of the clap, which probably explains why Taz is calling a f*cking YouTube show instead of the Main Event and, hopefully, he’ll be joined by Excalibur permanently because after this s*it show he doesn’t deserve to sit beside Tony Schiavone and JR on a weekly basis.

Idiots.

Winner: Hikaru Shida

The Private Party vs.Sonny Kiss And Brandon Cutler

Tag-Team Match: Brandon Cutler And Sonny Kiss vs. Private Party

10 Count Rating: 6

Would this be it?

Would Brandon Cutler finally pick up his win?

Would the King of AEW‘s J.O.B Squad have his hand raised in victory for the first time?

No, of course not, don’t be stupid.

Another solid match with a predictable result, Cutler, who I like, suffers the same problem as Peter Avalon, he couldn’t buy a win with a 70% off voucher, so when he and Kiss were announced for the Main Event it was obvious that Private Party would be adding another notch to their belts.

I’m not sure how they’re going to handle this losing streak from here on out, are they going to head down the Curt Hawkins path and have him rack up 200 of the bloody things before he gets the 1-2-3 or are they going to not even bother and have him continue to stare at the lights until he gets sick of it and buggers off?

Besides, who’s going to want to lose to him?

There’s a very good chance that the team or wrestler chosen to put him over might become irreparably damaged in doing so, and ain’t nobody gonna want to do that.

Winners: Private Party

Meh

Final Thoughts

I’m still not sure what AEW Dark wants to be.

I don’t know if it wants us to take it seriously or if it wants us to laugh along with it, safe in the knowledge that it’s just a bit of fun.

If it’s the latter then fine, that’s what I’ll do, but don’t have a mix of the two as they did again this week when Death Triangle (God, I hate that name) rushed the ring after the Private Party match and beat everyone down.

This is just sending mixed messages that you want us all to have a good time but wait, here’s something that will be important going forward so take us seriously now.

Also, if you’re going to put on a show for the love of Mick Foley, stop having so many Jobbers on the bill.

It takes away any suspense when you can look at a card and figure out the results before the programs aired and will, in fact, end up driving people away. After all, it’s hard to get invested in something when you already know the outcome.

10 Count Overall Rating: 6

Written by Neil Gray

The podcast master. The Old Metal Bar-Steward and Weekly Wrestling Ruminations are now available on Spotify and iTunes.

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