Welcome one and welcome all to the Impact Wrestling Weekly Review. If you’ve read any of my other review pieces on this site then you’ll know the drill by now. I watch through the episode and then tell you what I think of each match.
Simple as that really.
So, as there’s a lot to get through this week then let’s not mess about shall we. Time to lace up our boots and head to the ring.
The Deaners vs The Rascalz vs Reno Scum vs Desi Hit Squad
This week’s show starts off with a four-team tag match and where normally these things can be quite difficult to watch, as the action always descends into everyone beating on everyone else, this was the exception to the rule. It was well put together and didn’t have my eyes darting all over the screen trying to figure out what was going on.
It was a great combination of power moves and high flying spots, my favorite of which was Cody Deaner flying through Cousin Jake’s legs and taking everybody out before the big man himself flew over the top ropes to do the same. A man that size should not be able to pull off a move like that. It defies nature goddamit!
Next up to the high-flying plate was Wentz who used Rohit Raju as a springboard to clear the ropes by a mile and hit those outside like a missile and all of this was topped off by Dez hitting the Cartwheel Handspring Space Flying Tiger Drop on a pile of bodies that must’ve wondered why they’d bothered standing back up for the fourth time. It was insane.
Every team would get to hit their finisher but it would be The Rascalz who picked up the win with the Hot Flame onto Cousin Jake.
Winners: The Rascalz
After the match, the Reno Scum would lay a beating on the Rascalz until Trey came out from the back for the save. His joy would be short-lived, however, as Ace Austin would appear and nail him with the X-Division Title before all three would open up a can of whup-ass on Trey.
And in front of his mum as well.
Jordynne Grace vs Taya Valkyrie and John E. Bravo
Poor old John E. Bravo.
Taya’s right-hand man was on the business end of a serious arse-whupping from the bell while she looked on, with zero interest in bailing him out. He was on Jordynne Grace’s sh*tlist and that is not a list you’d ever want to find yourself on.
Right from the get-go, she was out for blood. She flew through the middle ropes and crushed him, then proceeded to beat him from pillar to post. It was only when she went close to Taya and had her ankle grabbed that the tide turned.
The two on one beat down worked well until Bravo Irish Whipped Taya into Grace, who countered with a back elbow. She then kicked Bravo into Valkyrie who grabbed his head under her arm so when Jordynne came off the second turnbuckle with a dropkick to Taya, Valkerie inadvertently dropped her own partner with a DDT. It was a great piece of wrestling.
From here on out it was all Grace. A series of vicious kicks to Bravo’s skull and a Running Senton convinced Taya Valkyrie it was time to leave and she abandoned Bravo to his fate. This seemed to only annoy Grace even more and she continued with her dismantling of Bravo until she got the win.
Winner: Jordynne Grace
Johnny Swinger vs Buck Gunderson
This was nothing more than a glorified squash match and only existed so that Ken Shamrock could storm the ring after Swinger’s victory to lay a beatdown on him. The reason behind this, apparently, is because Swinger took a dump in Shamrock’s luggage.
I thought we were past this kind of hokey bullsh*t but apparently not. Still, it’s always good to see Ken Shamrock hurting people and I’m not just saying that because he scares the hell out of me.
Winner: Johnny Swinger
Winner Of Ass-Kicking: Ken Shamrock
Six Person Elimination Challenge #1 Contenders Match
First out was Daga and Moose in a battle of David and Goliath and, surprisingly, Daga held his own against the beast that is Moose. He was a constant thorn in his side and, as it was obvious that Moose wanted to get Daga out of there as quickly as possible, it’s a huge shout out for the booking team that they made it seem almost impossible for him to do.
Eventually, Moose would hit the No Jackhammer Needed and get the pin but Daga came out of this looking strong.
Next up to face Moose is Rich Swann. I love Swann. I always felt he never got a fair shake in the WWE so to see him tearing it up in Impact Wrestling makes me very happy and the fact that he got the win here after countering another No Jackhammer Needed for the 1-2-3 makes your friendly neighborhood wrestling writer beam with joy.
Then it was Michael Elgin’s and even though he pretty much spent the opening part of this bout beating Rich Swann like a government mule, his frustration would get the better of him and he’d shove the Ref to get himself disqualified. A tad obvious, they’ve got big plans for Elgin so couldn’t really have him lose, but effective enough.
When Brian Cage hit the ring it all seemed a step too far for Swann. He tried his hardest here but the fresher Cage was always going to emerge victorious and one Weapon X later and it’s all over.
This brought Tessa Blanchard into play. I’ve got a lot of time for Blanchard and think the way Impact Wrestling is handling her is spot on. There was a lot of good back and forth between the two and an especially brutal-looking suplex from the apron back into the ring from Cage that had me thinking it was game over. But you can’t keep this woman down and when it looked as if Cage might hit another Weapon X, she rolled through and pinned him for the win.
The crowd and I lost our collective sh*t at this.
This was a cracking episode of Impact Wrestling. From the first minute to the last ti was full of non-stop action and sometimes, well most of the time really, that’s what you want from a wrestling promotion.
It was great to see tag-teams used in the way that God intended and the woman’s division looks very strong and in safe hands but special shout-out must go to Tessa Blanchard. The fact that she’s now #1 Contender for the Impact Wrestling World Championship is mind-blowing and shows just how much faith the company has in her.
All we can hope for is that they pull the trigger and have her beat Sami Callihan clean without any outside help. This is one match that should be kept as far away from a Dusty Finish as humanly possible.
Preferably by locking said Dusty Finish in a cave.