Premier League Matchday Two is rapidly approaching and after last week’s 40% success rate—at least in picking the correct results, if not score—I’m feeling that the only way is up, baby. Seriously, if my Premier League Matchday Two Predictions don’t at least hit 50%, I’ll probably jack this writing malarky in, move to Ottawa, and open a ribbon store. So let’s see, shall we? Do I come back next week, a triumphant predictions master, or do I slink off into the sunset with my football tail tucked firmly between my legs? It’s time for the Premier League Matchday Two Predictions.
I feel that needs some kind of theme tune…
Aston Villa vs. Everton
Last week I predicted a win for Villa and a loss for Everton on Premier League Matchday One, and I was half right. Everton did fall to Chelsea in one of the dullest games it’s ever been my misfortune to sit through, but Villa somehow managed to screw the pooch by falling 2-0 to newly promoted Bournemouth. This is a tough one to call, probably the hardest of the weekend. If Steven Gerrard sticks to his guns and doesn’t recall Tyrone Mings to the team—leaving them lacking leadership and someone to drive them forward, even though he’s at the back—then this has ‘bore draw’ written all over it. If he does, I fancy Villa to nick it 1-0. Everton won’t score either way. Lampard has a problem up front. He doesn’t have anyone who can put the ball in the back of the net.
Result: Aston Villa 0 Everton 0
Arsenal vs. Leicester
Arsenal carried their impressive pre-season form into Premier League Matchday One, picking up a solid 2-0 win against Crystal Palace, and I have no reason to believe that this new-look Gooners side won’t follow that up with a win against Leicester. Brendan Rodgers still hasn’t gone out and bought a replacement for Kasper Schmeichel, and neither Danny Ward nor Daniel Iversen is good enough to play in the Premier League. Expect goals, mainly from Arsenal.
Result: Arsenal 4 Leicester 1
Brighton vs. Newcastle
Well, it looks like I was wrong about Brighton. I predicted that on Premier League Matchday One, Man Utd would easily brush them aside and that Graham Potter is a fraud. They then went out, ran Utd off the pitch, should’ve scored more than the two they did, and proved that their manager might actually know what he was doing. Still, I’m old enough and ugly enough to admit when I’ve made a mistake, and boy, did I miss the mark on that one.
Newcastle looked really good as well last week. They played some very fluid, attractive football, and though it might’ve only been against a Nottingham Forest side who looked massively out of their depth—meaning my season prediction that they’d stay up already looks as rocky as Everest—I expect this to be a cracking game. A fit Callum Wilson, who didn’t play well in that game but still managed to find himself on the scoresheet, should be able to pick up a goal or two here.
Result: Brighton 2 Newcastle 2
Man City vs. Bournemouth
City had two shots on target out of a total of 14 last week. Erling Haaland scored them both. Bournemouth are going to get obliterated.
Result: Man City 5 Bournemouth 0
Southampton vs. Leeds
I’ve already stated that Southampton are going down this season and I saw nothing to change that opinion during their pathetic capitulation against Spurs on Premier League Matchday One. Leeds picked up a very hard-fought win against Wolves last weekend, and I expect them to build on that by picking up all three points here.
Result: Southampton 1 Leeds 3
Wolves vs. Fulham
Fulham almost pulled off the shock of Premier League Matchday One and should’ve. Liverpool didn’t deserve anything from that game, and it was only down to two pieces of individual brilliance from Nunez and Salah that helped them come away from Craven Cottage with a point. Fulham were robbed. Wolves are Wolves. You’re not quite sure what team is going to show up on any given Saturday. I’m calling a draw here.
Result: Wolves 1 Fulham 1
Brentford vs. Man Utd
Brentford came back from two goals down on Premier League Matchday One to grab a point against Leicester, while Utd were outplayed and outclassed by Brighton as they slumped to a bad loss at home. Utd are in serious trouble. The dressing room is a mess, Ten Hag can’t get any of the players he really wants, and this is a rebuild job of epic proportions. Brentford can cause any team in the league a problem on their day, and I fully expect them to do just that this Saturday evening.
Result: Brentford 2 Man Utd 1
Nottingham Forest vs. West Ham
I swore blind that Forest would be okay. Yet, their first match back in the top flight after 19 very long years was painful to watch. They looked like a bunch of Championship players who were out of their depth, and I fear that might be the case. I also don’t think you can judge West Ham on what happened on Premier League Matchday One. Man City were always going to win that one. So this is where The Hammers season really starts. Expect Jesse Lingard to be relentlessly jeered by the away fans until his performance is so bad, that he’s given the hook around the 60-minute mark.
Result: Nottingham Forest 1 West Ham 3
Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur
Premier League Matchday Two, and we’re already having our first London Derby of the season. I expect this to be a cracking game. Yes, Chelsea were boring as hell last weekend, but Spurs were unbelievably impressive and The Blues are going to have to up their game if they hope to contain Conte’s men. High intensity, high action, and high scoring, that’s what we’re going to have here.
Result: Chelsea 2 Tottenham Hotspur 4
Liverpool vs. Crystal Palace
By the time The Mighty Redmen kick off on Monday night against Palace, I fully expect them to already be five points behind the pack. Liverpool needs to get their act together, and fast. Last weekend’s performance was unacceptable and Klopp knows it. Palace did okay against Arsenal in their opening fixture, but shouldn’t pose any real threat to Liverpool.
Result: Liverpool 4 Crystal Palace 0
So, what do you think? Am I talking bollocks or am I spot on? Let me know in the comments or find Sports Obsessive on Twitter and Facebook.