Neil Gray
Two shocking things happened during the last round of Premier League matches. Liverpool finally lost their unbeaten home record, to Burnley of all people. It had been three long years without a home defeat, but a penalty was all it eventually took to see that record disappear. What’s even more shocking than that, however, is that I got five out of six of my predictions right! I know! I’m as stunned as the rest of you! So, feeling slightly more confident in my ability to figure out just what the hell is going on with this season, let’s take a look at the next set of matches for January 26th to the 28th.
January 26th
Crystal Palace vs. West Ham
Premier League Prediction: Draw
I know I said last time out that I was impressed with what David Moyes had managed to achieve this season with West Ham, but I can’t see this being anything more than a bore draw. The Hammers might be unbeaten in their last six games across all competitions, while Palace are coming off the back end of a 4-0 whomping by Man City, but Roy Hodgson has more than enough tactical ability to park the bus and frustrate his opponents. That’s what’s going to happen here.
Newcastle vs. Leeds
Premier League Prediction: Leeds Win
Well, Steve Bruce is still somehow in a job. Probably due to the fact that Mike Ashley is far too much of a tight arse to fire him and pay him off. Either way, I fully expect Leeds to take advantage of a Magpie’s squad so low on confidence right now that they’ll probably start posting nudes on Instagram to make themselves feel better. Gotta get dem likes!
Southampton vs. Arsenal
Premier League Prediction: Southampton Win
Yes, I know that Arsenal wasn’t at full strength against The Saints in the FA Cup last weekend, but come on. Arteta is a sham of a manager that strung a series of results together against teams I could beat, by myself, blindfolded, and nursing a hangover that Jack Daniels himself would be proud of. As soon as they go up against any of the teams that aren’t in a lower table battle with them, they fold faster than Superman on laundry day. I fully expect Southampton to walk away with the three points and yet another so-called ‘big scalp’ under their belts.
West Brom vs. Man City
Premier League Prediction: Man City Win
Bloodbath, pure and simple. City will destroy Allardyce’s team and in doing so will crush what little confidence they have left. This will mark the beginning of the end for WBA this season.
January 27th
Burnley vs. Aston Villa
Premier League Prediction: Draw
Coming off the back of beating my beloved Liverpool, I hope that Burnely gets relegated. Too harsh? In fairness, they deserved it more than Liverpool did and I fully expect them to push on from there and start to climb up the table. it’s just that I don’t expect them to do it against Villa. The Villians are kind of all over the place results-wise of late, but they have more than enough in their locker to grind out a draw. And it’ll be a good point for them when they do.
Chelsea vs. Wolves
Premier League Prediction: Chelsea Win
Coming off the back of Frank Lampard’s firing, I expect a reaction from the Chelsea players who cost the legend his job. It doesn’t matter who is sat in the dugout for this game, Thomas Tuchel or someone just filling in for a match; The Blues will want to prove a point, and going up against a Wolves side who are in a bit of a freefall themselves will be the perfect time to do so. I also wouldn’t be surprised to see Nuno Espírito Santo become the next manager for the chopping block either. Something is rotten in the state of Wolverhampton and it seems to be the owners.
Brighton vs. Fulham
Premier League Prediction: Draw
It’s the battle of who could care less. Not me. Brighton bore me and Fulham are crap. Let’s call it another draw.
Everton vs. Leicester
Premier League Prediction: Everton Win
Call me crazy, but I’ve got a sneaky feeling that the Toffees will win this one. I have no idea why. Well, alright, I do. Jamie Vardy is out with an injury and without him, I can honestly see Leicester’s title challenge/top four run start to fade away. After all, who’s their other option? Kelechi Iheanacho? My nan could do better than him and she’s been dead 20 years.
Man Utd vs. Sheffield Utd
Premier League Prediction: Man Utd Win
Current Premier League leaders—and that hurt like a thousand kicks to the crotch to have to write— Man Utd will look to head back to the top of the table, 24 hours after their city rivals win their match against WBA. And they will. I’m sorry, but Sheffield Utd are doomed and if they somehow manage to avoid the drop, I’ll get a picture of Chris Wilder tattooed on my a**e.
January 28th
Tottenham vs. Liverpool
Premier League Prediction: Tottenham Win
Did you know that Liverpool are now in the top five of the wealthiest clubs in the world? And still, the powers that be won’t put their hands in their pockets to buy a goddamn centre back. Liverpool’s defence has the structural integrity of liquid cheese and Harry Kane must be chomping at the bit to get out on the pitch on Thursday. If you also consider that the front free have hit the kind of barren patch usually reserved for a younger version of myself on a Friday night on the pull, then this isn’t going to be pretty.
