So picture this. Down by 2, 3 seconds on the clock, and the worst athlete on the field comes charging out. He looks like someone lost their kid at Disney World. He is out of place, out of time, and he is ready to to deliver you the victory you have craved for the last 3 hours. 37 yards out, he lines up and boink! The balls clangs off the uprights and your day has been ruined.
Sadly, I’m not talking about the team you have followed since you were 8, I’m talking about your fantasy team, and this win would have put you in the playoffs. All week you have cheered for the ups and downs of your hand selected squads. You’ve watched all the runs, beautiful catches, and pinpoint throws of the greatest athletes in the world. Now, it all comes down to the guy that should riding horseback at the Kentucky Derby instead of kicking for the Monday Night Team you are only watching because fantasy is on the line.
This is my pitch, it’s time to eliminate kickers from the game. I say from the game entirely but this is a fantasy article so I’ll stick to that format for the purists out there. Kickers in fantasy football are like dinosaurs in Denver, an old relic of the past. They should be put out of their misery. Most fantasy football fans have teams they cheer for as well, I call them reality squads, it’s hard enough watching Cody Parkey double doink his way into history and break the hearts of all Chicagoans, mine included but for a kicker to you dirty on your fantasy team as well, it’s time to move on.
I’m the commish of a redraft league that I wanted to be fun, lots of points, lots of scoring, and most importantly NO KICKERS! Instead we replaced the kicker with the Tight End position and we have never looked back. We don’t miss them and we are glad they aren’t there to ruin our Sundays, or Mondays, or Thursdays I guess. I am in a ton of leagues and most are still rolling out the kicker but here’s my pitch on why kickers in fantasy are dumb, they are too unpredictable. There is no rhyme or reason for their success. You make all these soul crushing decisions every week but when it comes to kickers there is no logic because it is all based on luck, gameflow, a coaches decision, or a fingertip dropped pass in the endzone that leads to a kicker rolling out.
Every other position in fantasy you can play the matchups or at least look at the matchups and make a pretty good guess what your guys should do. Now look, the argument can be made that every position is determined by luck, gameflow, etc and that’s true, this is fantasy football, no one knows but I like to analyze. That’ part of the fun. Should I play a lesser talent vs. a bad defense or keep my stud RB in there against a brutal D? Will my defense be playing the Jets or the Cardinals? All of these decisions for QB, RB, WR, TE and even defense a certain amount of analysis can lead toward a decision but for kickers who the hell knows. Sure you can look at redzone defense vs. redzone offense, or maybe indoor kickers, or only kickers that make 50 yarders but a kicker that has 4 FG’s and 15 points one week, maybe come up with only 4 points the next week because the offense plunged in touchdown’s and didn’t settle for 3.
It’s time to move on and let the athletes determine who will break your heart or make your week. I am a firm believer that much like PPR has now become the norm when 10 years ago it was a concept league, no kickers will soon become the norm. No longer will you have to wait until the last round to select a guy you’ve never heard of on a team you really don’t care about. No longer will you get the chance to ridicule the one friend who takes the Packers kicker in round 10 or bids 4 dollars on Justin Tucker. Just don’t with that stuff by the way guys. In the end it really comes down to letting the players play and if you consider kickers players well you should really rethink your life choices because really once they are gone you won’t miss them. Kickers, who needs em? Not this guy.
Cheers good people, Happy Thanksgiving. Even to you kickers out there.